How to Be Successfully Unemployed
An interview with Re: Working's Sabina Sulat
Sabina Sulat, author of Agile Unemployment: Your Guide to Thriving While Out of Work, had to lose her job in order to find her life purpose. “I had never not worked from the time I was 13, and I’m one of those people who gets satisfaction from a job well done,” she said. “And when I lost my job, suddenly I had to wonder. I always thought I was a great worker, and now I had to doubt that.”
Without a job, Sulat suddenly had to confront her ideas about what it meant to be unemployed. “Nothing prepared me for being out of work and the loneliness, the isolation, all of the emotional components,” she said. Along with all of these difficult emotions, she had to figure out how to deal with the practicalities like filing for unemployment. Whenever she would learn something new, it always cost her time or money. She remembered thinking, “Why doesn't someone tell you these things? Who's keeping all these secrets? We don't have to go through this. I don't have to go through this. No one should have to go through this!” She considered writing a book about unemployment but let the idea wither when she got a new job.
Then the pandemic hit. On the same day that Sulat was sent home from work, she listened to a podcast episode from her new LinkedIn friend, Andy Storch. He was speaking to his book coach about how everyone should write a book. At the same time, a friend checked in on her to see if she needed anything. “I mentioned that I’d toyed with writing a book about unemployment, and now this pandemic is happening and I wish I had done the book. And my friend was like, you know, you could still do that, right? No, apparently I did not think that. So I started writing that night,” she said. And that was the beginning of a whole new career.
As soon as I discovered Sulat and her work, I knew that I needed to bring her to your attention. This former HR executive coaches people in that transitional realm of unemployment with hard-won knowledge of tasks and how to deal with the emotional impact of losing a job and finding a new one. Who better to chat with during this chaotic time?
Sulat generously agreed to share her wisdom about what it means to quit, how to deal with panic, and what keeps her coming back to the work.
What do you feel is the emotional and psychological difference between involuntary job loss and actually quitting a job?
I've only worked with one person who voluntarily lost their job and dove off the cliff. I think this is one of the most courageous people I know. I tell them that all the time. A lot of people are in very bad work situations and stay or they wait until the bottom falls out.
It's very hard for us to leave security. When someone pushes you out of the nest, you lose identity, security, all that stability, and, nine times out of ten, you've already been in a traumatic situation, even if you're not fired for cause. Chances are the business is unstable. There's lots of things going on behind the scenes. We all know the signs, the closed door meetings, suddenly emails aren't being returned, there's very little communication from executives. You're already on edge. You lose what little stability you have in your job. You equate the trauma to losing the job, when really, you've been in the trauma for a long time. You've already been in survival mode.
If you leave voluntarily, that's a little more empowering. Maybe you also have a slightly better plan or a cushion. That's what employees need to do, make sure you always have that emergency preparedness kit, that exit strategy. Because what we're seeing within the federal government right now… That was the last bastion of professional stability, and it's shaken to the core. The only thing stable is you. You have to take on your own safety, your own stability, your own emotional well-being.
What would you say to someone who was about to leap from a traditional job into working their passion?
First of all, understand that you are working your passion. It's been a long time since I've earned this small amount of money, but I never recall being happier. You have to be prepared for that. And some of that is, again, that emergency preparedness kit. It's not necessarily having a certain amount of money or anything like that. It's mindfully taking a look at each area, your health, your money, your environment, and making sure that you know that things are about as stable as they can be in these areas. But also it helps to know what you want, what you're looking for. Don't just leap thinking it's going to come to you. Have a rough idea. If you want to be an artist, really look into that. If you want to be a writer, what do you want to write? If you want to act, what's that going to look like? Having a plan sets you up for success.
How do you advise people on dealing with panic as they move through these sorts of transitions?
Don't ignore it and don't run away from it. I am a firm believer that what gets your heart beating and gives you a pit in your stomach is a sign of something you need to look at. Being mindful helps you confront if it's that internal bully in you. If it's a fear, it's not going to go away unless you look at it, pull it apart and re-mold it. A lot of times that can be your fuel. It can help you see why you want to make that change, why you need to make that leap, or even what direction you're going in. Panic is not necessarily a bad thing, as long as you contain it. But I also think if you're not a little afraid, you're not growing and evolving. We panic because we're afraid of losing certain things and that means those things are important to you.
Is there a beginning, middle, and end to transition? Or do you see it as something that you're always in?
I would say it is the never-ending story, if we're going to put a title on it. I've always thought there'd be this point in life where everything would be fine and settled and comfy and secure. And that's never happened. Lately, I've come around to the fact that I like that every day is different. I like that there's a unique challenge to face. I don't find it necessarily exciting as much as exhilarating. I like the growth that's coming out of it. That's how I view it. Honestly, my fifth circle of hell would be having everything the same, every day, all the time. If that was my life, I just would not be able to handle it. I also like the control that I have. I've realized I am in charge of me. I've never liked having an organization have that control over me, my money, the projects I work on, the location. I never really understood that until I went out on my own, of how much I rebelled against that yoke.
How would you define being a thriving creative?
That is something I'm still working on, and this is a conversation I have a lot with my therapist. I mean this very seriously. She and I are just now starting to look at this. I'm really good at survival, like getting from one crisis to the next. I'm excellent at that. I am the person you want in your lifeboat. But I am not very good at thriving. I think part of it is that exploration, that not knowing, challenging myself, continuing to reach, not being stagnant, self actualization. That's how I would describe it. Knowing you're alive is really important, and I'm just starting to explore that I am my own worst enemy. Maybe I'm afraid to thrive, and I shouldn't be. Isn't that awful to think? Like, oh, I'm afraid to thrive. Like a lunatic says!
[Here, I laughed.]
I'm glad I'm making you laugh.
No, I'm laughing because what you just said resonates so hard throughout my whole being. Like you said, I'm great at surviving. I can go from emergency to emergency and take care of it, keep an even keel and keep everyone else calm. And in the meantime, I can't figure out how to get to a point where I feel like I'm thriving.
I think it's this state of mind. I interviewed Mike Rucker on my podcast. He wrote a book called The Fun Habit, and he said that the goal post of happiness keeps moving. Fun is in the moment, and that's why no matter what you're doing, it benefits you to have fun. Fun has a definite beginning, middle and end, whereas happiness does not. That's a good way to describe thriving. You're never done thriving. You keep doing it, but that goal post keeps moving.
What made the biggest difference for you as you do this work?
What helped me with the whole Agile Unemployment thing is having a mission. I wanted to help people. I didn't want anyone to have to go through what I went through. I never questioned, “Am I the one to do this?” A friend and I had a conversation about what makes you an expert in something, and we decided it was having gone through something and wanting to help others That was our definition of expert. It's not like I had this special training in unemployment. I went through it, but it was this thing that people can find out about on their own. I just make it a lot easier for them to navigate and endure. There's definitely a joy for me in helping somebody, and in seeing someone realize they're not alone. It's not just them. There, I've hit my mission.
When you're creative, understand that a big part of what you're doing is for you, but then there's also an audience out there that will ultimately find you, and you will speak to others as well. And I always like that balance, because it's not all about you. It's also about helping somebody else in one way, shape or form, be it to entertain them, bring them joy, or help them solve a problem.
Agile Unemployment: Your Guide to Thriving While Out of Work is available at online bookshops and by ordering through your local bookstore. Sulat’s Agile Unemployment podcast is a must-listen as well! For more information, visit Sabina Sulat’s website, Re: Working.
**All links to books are affiliate links with Bookshop.org. Make sure to select your favorite local bookstore before hitting “buy” so they receive your support!
I’m LA (as in tra-la-la) Bourgeois, a writer and KMCC-certified creativity coach dedicated to walking with you through any transition! Whether you’re looking to deepen your relationship with your art or patrons, explore a new possibility, or ignite the passion for creativity again, I’ve got your back. Click here to explore becoming a member of the Coaching Cohort or contact me at la@labourgeois.biz to ask questions and schedule an exploratory call.